Four things ballroom dancing taught me about life

I began ballroom dancing when I was 64, soon after my last horse died, and soon after a divorce. It took courage for me to go outside my comfort zone and just show up.

I was taking group and private lessons. In group lessons, the women are on one side of the room and men on the other. I remember the first time I heard “Everyone get a partner.” I was the only one not chosen and left standing alone. I wanted to melt into the floor and disappear. I felt humiliated and unworthy.

I have since realized that this experience happens to everyone. I don’t take it personally anymore. I have found other occasions in dancing and life to go outside my comfort zone. I embrace the challenge, even when my first reaction is fear and resistance, because I know that I am breaking through my self imposed boundaries!

Be poised to respond
In dance, I am a follower. That means I need to be aware and ready for what comes next.   When I get tense, I’m not a good follower because I can’t feel the lead. When I think I know what my partner is going to do next, that doesn’t work either. Am I willing to trust? Am I willing to let go? Am I comfortable with myself? This is the challenge.

Know your boundaries
Maintaining boundaries in dance needs to be very clear. If I am too loose, my partner can step into my space, and that limits me. If I am too rigid, I lose the quality of feeling a connection.  Either way, the communication of the dance is impaired.

Learn how to let go
It’s safe to hold on, but where is the passion in that? Letting go separates a good mechanical dancer to one that flows and truly experiences joy and connection. I have tasted this magical movement.  But if I strive for it, it eludes me. There is a place in me that can allow this to happen. Wanting it gets in the way of letting go.